


What is Love?

by ClockworkNight



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Incest, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkNight/pseuds/ClockworkNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tadashi had been pulling away. He had been forcing Hiro away, locking his younger brother out of his heart and mind and Hiro knew it was his fault... all because Hiro was in love with Tadashi . <br/>Hiro is in love with Tadashi, but Tadashi thinks their love is wrong... so he pulls away, gets distant and cold. Hiro begins to grow depressed and Tadashi doesn't know if he can pull the only person he truly loves out of this hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'd Give You My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Self harm, incest, self hate, semi-descriptive cutting.
> 
> This is ust a rewrite because the first version I did of this was all fucking commas. So I tried to fix it.
> 
> There will be a little thing that Tate from AHS Season 1 in here. Hiro is gonna say it...
> 
> enjoy...
> 
> Read at your own risk I suppose!
> 
> I do not own Big Hero 6 or any of the characters used, loosely based off of Jaymes Young's What Is Love

– –

Tadashi had been pulling away, he had been forcing Hiro away, locking his younger brother out of his heart and mind and Hiro knew it was his fault...

Tadashi didn't speak to him. He didn't even look his way, when they worked in the garage lab together, Tadashi closed the door and left Hiro alone to his own thoughts.

And Hiro knew it was his fault.

The younger Hamada took in a shaky breath, staring at the ground just past Tadashi's screen wall that he would barely see, watching the outline of his brother, the only one he had left, reading in silence, his headphones in and Hiro knew that was only to block out whatever words that his young brother may speak...

"I know you see me." He said softly, staring at the grey shadow of the elder. "I know you can hear me."

But no answer came, "Dammit! Why won't you answer me?!" He cried, tangling his fingers into his hair.

But he knew the reason why Tadashi no longer cared, no longer wanted Hiro around...

The younger had fallen in love with the elder. He had kept it secret since thirteen and the day he decided to make his dark feelings known Tadashi closed the bathroom door in his face.

Their interactions had been few a bit after that. Tadashi spending day and night at the lab or in the kitchen with Aunt Cass. When he finally could stand to be in the same room as Hiro, he didn't even give the younger a glance.

And Hiro knew that no matter what he would never be the same in the man's eyes, the man he truly loved.

His heartbeat quickened when Tadashi slid the divider opened. Hiro's chocolate orbs staring hopefully. Tadashi didn't as much glance over, walking to the computer and sitting down, humming along to whatever song he was listening to. Hiro glanced over to see what he was searching and sighed when all he saw was recipes.

Hiro knew he was nothing in Tadashi's eyes. If this was truly what Tadashi wanted, the silence, the separation (perhaps even the joy of not having a sibling) Hiro could do that. After all, it had been so easy for Tadashi to give him up.

The raven boy stood, pulling his blue jacket from the hook by the stairs, taking one last look towards Tadashi before pulling the tiny robotic tracker once installed out of the fabric. "I'll be back in a bit." He said to no one, knowing no one in the world would care if he had spoken.

He walked down the steps, saying a sad little 'See you later.' to Aunt Cass, not noticing how she looked at him with such sadness. She was a smart woman, she knew the boys better than she knew herself and she knew Hiro had never acted like this before.

Even after the death of his father and mother, even after his pet ran away or when he got a bad grade at a project he thought he had in the bag Hiro never stopped smiling.

Because he always had Tadashi. She wasn't stupid, she knew something had changed. Tadashi spent more time with her than anyone else, more time with his friends than with his younger brother and the younger had never seemed so heartbroken.

"Have fun!" She called, but Hiro didn't answer. He let the door close behind him, the bells on the top jingling.

– –

Tadashi didn't have any music playing, he had the headphones in, his song had turned off long ago but he hadn't had the mind to press play again.

He had seen Hiro's shadow hunched over past the wall, his shaking form those nights that he cried but he pretended easily that he didn't see his brother.

He had been spending more and more time away, not knowing how Hiro fared alone... not knowing what he felt... he knew where the younger went, he still had that little tracker sewn carefully into his hoody. When the young raven left he would check just to see what Hiro was up to. Though he wasn't ever going to follow him again.

He turned to face the unkempt bed, seeing the small device sitting there, nuzzled into the pillows.

He sighed, picking it up.

"Hiro..." he whispered.

The name felt strange on his lips, the name he had refused to speak for nearly for months... the name of a boy who he was slowly killing.

He tossed it back on the bed, "He's a smart kid... he'll be fine."

– –

Hiro knew it had been a bad idea to walk around this late at night, the sky was dark, overcast... 'How cliché...' he thought, 'Rain when I'm sad... nice.'

The raven rolled his eyes, nearly laughing at the typicality at the situation. Even so, he felt the darkness looming over his shoulders and pulled the hoody over his hair, just wanting to hide away from the world and from Tadashi Hamada.

He knew the man was probably happy in his own little world at the technical institute. He was happy with his friends, probably even had a girlfriend or something. He wouldn't be shocked if it was Honey. She was a wonderfully woman and Tadashi always seemed so happy to be around her

Everything Hiro could never be, everything Hiro could never be for Tadashi.

He moved into the alleyway near a clothing store. He had never actually been inside but for an odd reason, it was his go to place. He wanted to stay in the night, unseen by the world that no longer cared.

He checked his cell, hiding away in the darkness, the bright screen of his phone blinding him for just a moment.

Nothing...

No calls, no texts from anyone... no messages...

He dropped his head to his knees, shaking a bit. He heard the sounds of an ambulance far away and began to understand that no one in the world cared.

– –

He returned home far after everyone was asleep. He was drenched in rain water and a bit of dirt from a car splashing him. All he wanted to do was be clean but he didn't want to make too much noise

Tadashi's screen was open meaning that he hadn't expected Hiro home, after all, he had been closing it every night since Hiro told him.

He stared at the silence, sadness in his eyes. "Tadashi..." he whispered shakily, almost reaching forward, almost wanting to be with him... almost...

But Tadashi didn't care.

He took a deep breath, slowly walking into the side of the room that was Tadashi's. He took in the semi- familiar space... he still had the pictures up, the pictures of family and friends...

But there was one picture missing, one of just Hiro and Tadashi taken last year.

It was gone.

Hiro took in another shaky breath, choking back a sob.

"I guess I know..." He whispered to no one in particular. He knew Tadashi wouldn't hear him, even if he did, would the man waste time to answer his younger at this point? "I... It's my fault isn't it? You hating me... I fucked it all up, didn't I?" He asked, looking over at his sleeping brother. "I wish I never fell in love with you... maybe then you would still love me."

Hiro pulled away as if just the thought of touching Tadashi burnt like the fires of hell. He turned away, closing the screen... if Tadashi knew he was home, he would want it closed.

He moved to the bathroom, picking up a sleeping Mochi and placing the fat feline on his bed. He pet the cat for a moment, musing over the world before going back to the bathroom.

He closed and locked the door, turning on the bright light and staring into the mirror. "I don't even care." He said softly, pulling his shirt off, tossing it into the hamper, then his pants, his wet under garments. He turned the shower on, the heat of it scalding but he didn't care.

He wanted to burn it away, to burn the pain and the heartache and his feelings away.

He stepped under the spray, gasping softly as his skin turned pink from heat. He didn't bother to turn it down. Hiro slid down to the wet ground, the water plastering his hair to his face, it had gotten so long, he figured it was high time to cut it.

For a moment, Hiro simply basked in the silence he had grown to know, closing his eyes and letting it all melt away. He pulled the shampoo down, wanting to be clean. He washed his hair, the smell of it filling his nose as fog and mist filled the bathroom and nearly seeped out of the door.

That was the moment he saw it.

Tadashi shaved often, he liked having smooth skin and Hiro had gotten into the habit as well, however that was not the look he gave the razor blade sitting calmly on the counter.

He reached up, taking the blue razor into his hands,

"Don't be stupid." He laughed sadly, "What's it gonna solve?" And yet he didn't put it down, he watched the shimmer of the bathroom light reflect from the blade and sighed.

– –

He felt like a sick fool, taking apart the razor blade and tossing the handle into the trash, he felt like an idiot, using a pair of scissors to push the blade out, pushing the set of metal into his hand, three of them. One for now and two for hiding away when this sick little indulgence would be needed.

Hiro cocked his head, playing with one between his fingers. The raven haired teen didn't know if he was able to do it, to paint strawberry gashes across his tan skin. He didn't think it was something he had the heart to do.

He looked at the hanging clock, 3:30 in the morning, the precious few hours that the world was dead.

He beat his head against the wall, not knowing what cutting would solve but not known if there was a reason not to, there was little in the world that would care if he did.

Hiro bit down on his lower lip, taking the silver blade into his fingers, sliding it across his wrist.

He took in a sharp breath, oh God it hurt... the stinging pain and the hot water hitting the very fresh wound.

But it felt so good... it relieved him to bleed, to watch his crimson life pour away.

So he did it again...

And again...

And again...

– –

He cried, he screamed into his pillow at what he did, but he knew deep down that he wasn't going to throw the blades away. he had tapped them under the sink, a place no one looked since Aunt Cass didn't clean the bathroom upstairs. It was a chore the boys did and Tadashi wasn't the type of person to check under.

He heard the shuffle of his brother waking up, wondering why, it wasn't even 5... still much too early for Tadashi to wake.

He shoved his head into his pillow, unable to stop the shake of his shoulders as he let the tears fall, though he did try to stay as quiet as humanly possible.

– –

Tadashi was confused, he remembered not closing his silk screen before going to bed, he also remembered turning the AC up however it felt too hot and humid for what he put.

He glanced to Hiro's bed, suddenly understanding why everything was different, the boy finally decided to come home.

He made his way to the bed, seeing him shaking so badly. He almost wanted to reach forward, to embrace him and cease his unhappiness but the only thought in his mind was old disgust.

He had listened to Hiro's confession of sinful love and at first he had been disgusted. There had to be something seriously wrong with Hiro to even feel that way!

He had stayed away from Hiro for months before he had begun to miss his brother, the only person he truly trusted... but by that time Hiro had plowed it into his own mind that his brother didn't want him any longer so Tadashi didn't move anywhere close to him.

Perhaps something in his heart wanted him to be disgusted and offended by this all. Something telling him he should be, that he was sick and horrid for not feeling such a way.

So he stayed away, he ignored the boy, and in turn Hiro drew away.

And Tadashi knew it was all his fault. He had pushed the boy away and Hiro was the one truly suffering.

He stepped away, seeing him cry. He couldn't handle the truth of his own actions.

He got his slippers on and walked downstairs to get something to drink and maybe a midnight snack. He smiled and bent down to pet the feline. "He can't be that upset... He's dramatic." He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair.

He needed a shower.

– –

"What's going on with you and Hiro?" Gogo asked, she sat on the counter in Tadashi's work place, watching her old friend work away.

"What do you mean?" Tadashi asked absentmindedly, making steady adjustments to Baymax, a project he had yet to finish. He thought he was finished a few years back, but after seeing newer injuries and sicknesses, he figured Baymax needed updates again.

"I mean..." she sighed, blowing a large bubble and letting it pop loudly. "You used to talk about him all the time, now it's like you don't even have a brother. How is he? Is he sick or something?

Tadashi stood tiredly, pausing to think. How was Hiro? Was he feeling alright? He looked a little thinner... he wore long sleeves lately but Tadashi brushed it off as fall attire.

"I... he's fine, I mean, I've been so busy, I haven't spent much time with him." He hadn't spoken to anyone about what Hiro confessed. He didn't feel anyone would understand like he had but then again he hadn't either, he wasn't understanding at all.

Gogo rose a well done brow, she didn't believe him in the slightest. "He used to come around a lot too... we've missed the little punk around..."

"Can we just talk about something else?" Tadashi snapped, still having flashbacks of seeing the boy cry in a silent suffering. Gogo stepped back, she hadn't expected him to snap like that.

She stood up, shoving her hands into her pockets, putting her weight on her left sight. "Do you really think it's all okay?" She asked, "You're tense and no one has even seen him... have you even seen him?"

"Of course I do. I see him every day, Gogo." he groaned tiredly, didn't she have anything else to talk about?!

"I don't think you do... cause I saw him yesterday when I was driving up here... kid looks like a corpse..."

She walked out, wanting whatever was happening to end. Hiro was sick, Tadashi was getting crueler by the day and she knew it could only have something to do with one another.

– –

Tadashi was in rare form that day, he stormed up to their room, tossing it book back onto his bed and nearly kicking Mochi as he passed.

Hiro heard him come in after he had gotten out of the shower. The younger shaking a bit at what he had done, more slices in his pale skin, more blood dripping down his skin... more hatred for himself and everything his heart beat for.

He dried himself off quickly, shaking as he stared at his sleeve, the black fabric stained with his blood.

He walked out of the bathroom, his towel around his head like a turban.

He stole a glance to his elder brother, wanting to speak, wanting to hear his voice and wanting his brother back even if the man wasn't a lover to him, he wanted his family back.

Perhaps if he could only make it better, make Tadashi love him again.

"I... I was going to make dinner tonight Dashi, ya know since Aunt Cass is with her friends tonight." He said softly. Tadashi didn't even look his way. He sighed and tried again.

"Whatever you want, I can cook..." He smiled slightly, hoping for some sort of reaction, they both knew Hiro couldn't cook to save his life. Perhaps Tadashi would laugh? Give him some sort of reaction.

"Or we could order out? It's going to rain I think but I'm sure we can make it to get something?"

Tadashi didn't say a word but something had changed, his fist was closed. Hiro cocked his head. "'Dashi?" he asked softly before a book hit the wall.

Hiro jerked back, letting out a cry of shock. Tadashi sat up in his bed, his arm still outstretched. He threw a book at Hiro. It didn't hit but even during his angriest times Tadashi never threw things.

"D-Dashi?" He whispered shakily, scared now. This wasn't like Tadashi.

"Just shut up!" The elder barked, making Hiro jump.

"W-Wha-"

"SHUT UP!" Tadashi screamed, throwing another book. "Just shut the hell up!"

Hiro stared in utter shock and horror, Tadashi was calm! Tadashi was kind! This wasn't like him... it...

It was all Hiro's fault.

The younger was crying even if he didn't realize it, tears dripping down his chubby cheeks. Tasdashi was glaring at him like the boy was the scum of the Earth and to Hiro, well he was.

"I-I'm sorry!" He sobbed.

"Yeah like sorry's gonna cut it! Don't you get it?! I don't care! I don't want some... some... incestuous freak for a brother! Just go!" Tadashi screamed, letting out every bit of rage he had out.

Or thought he was supposed to feel... everyone said incest was wrong, disgusting, Hiro was sick...

But was it sick when Tadashi felt the same? Somewhere deep inside his heart? He knew he felt it, seeing Hiro like this, his eyes large, lips parted, cheeks stained with tears. It was all Tadashi's fault...

– –

Hiro was shaking violently, he couldn't bring himself to sob, standing there frozen in shock of Tadashi's rage. "I-I..." He flinched when his brother lifted a hand, afraid that something else would be thrown his way.

He finally got the chance, standing up, pushing past the clothes on the floor and past the sleeping cat. He was scared.

He ran, he ran as fast as he could, pushing the door to the cafe open. The wind chime falling and shattering on the floor.

Tadashi's chest heaved as he breathed, unable to believe what had just happened. He scrambled to his feet, rushing to the window to see Hiro shove people passing by, running as fast as his tiny legs would go.

He was gone...

Tadashi put a hand over his mouth, stumbling to the bathroom and puking.

He felt sick. He felt dead inside.

He had broken Hiro.

– –

He found the perfect spot, above the world he had begun to hate. He was alone there just like he knew he always would be.

He ran to a parking garage that the city needed to tear down but hadn't had the time to. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't see a single thing, tears filling his eyes to the brim.

He heard his cell phone ringing over and over again. He didn't care who it was, it wasn't like he was going to be around much longer for anyone to talk to him anyway.

He got to the very top level, crumbling to his knees as he screamed into the floor.

He was a freak.

He wasn't wanted.

Tadashi didn't love him any longer. How could he?

He curled up into a ball, screaming and crying and losing his mind as his cell rang.

He rose a shaky hand to see who it was. Tadashi's name lit up and he pressed the answer button.

'Hiro!?' The elder cried, 'Hiro where are you? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!'

Hiro glared at the screen, what nerve did Tadashi have to call him now? 'Hiro?! Come on! Where are you?!'

The younger pressed the 'End call Button and threw his phone on the ground violently, the screen shattering.

"Leave me alone." He whispered, He began to wonder how long it took a person to bleed out. He knew they talked about it in Biology when a suicidal girl asked. It upset him that he couldn't remember the time frame he would have. It would have almost been a comfort to him.

He curled up in a ball on the disgusting ground, pulling his razor out of his pocket, hissing as the blade ran across his fingers. For a moment he admired the crimson beauty.

He heard someone screaming his name... who was it? Did he really care?

No... no he didn't.

He laughed softly as he drugs the blade across his wrists, over and over across the vein. He wanted to bleed.

He wanted to die.

His phone rang again and again, Tadashi searching frantically.

Hiro took the phone, answering it with a weak smirk.

"Hiro! I'm coming! Okay? Please don't-"

"Shut up." the younger commanded, hadn't Tadashi said enough? He knew what the elder wanted... he wanted Hiro gone, that what he had said, hadn't it?

"Hiro?! Talk to me please!"

"Y-You're distant..." Hiro whispered, the world slowly going dark, it wasn't that dark out... why did it hurt so much? Was this death? "Cold..." He said, Tadashi holding his phone close, trying to find him and cursing the many levels of this damned garage.

"Hiro..."

"I-I don't know what I did... b-but..." He took a shaky breath, it was getting harder as he drugs the blade across his left wrist, his right already bloody and damaged beyond repair. "I-I'll leave you alone... if... that's what you … want..."

"NO! Hiro! That's not what I want! Please!"

Hiro saw the elder man standing on the level he was on, the tiny raven's eyes slowly dropping closed. "That's... what... Dashi... wants."

He didn't get to hear his brother calling 911. He didn't get to hear the screams... the world faded away...

Cold was all he felt.

– –

Tadashi stayed beside the younger, holding his deathly pale hand, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Had Hiro always looked this pale? Had he always been this skinny? Had his ribs always been sticking out or was this part of what happened?

"I'm so sorry..." Tadashi sobbed, holding onto his brother like a lifeline however it was ironic. Saying sorry didn't solve anything, wasn't that what he had screamed at Hiro?

Hiro had tried to kill himself and it was all Tadashi's fault.

He caressed the boy's cheek. Aunt Cass was still trying to get down there. She had been about two hours away at a friend's house for the night. He had called her as soon as they got Hiro to the hospital, it took a while to just get him stable. Now that he was Tadashi could only sit there and silently scream, knowing Hiro had been in this pain for months and it was all Tadashi's fault.

Hiro had been in love with his elder brother and Tadashi pushed him away, pushing back his own feelings for his baby brother.

He had wanted to settle down with a nice woman, have a family, a normal life... all the while hiding his desires for little Hiro.

He heard Gogo talking to the people at the front desk. She told them that she was going to get food for Tadashi and to call his friends.

The elder leaned over and kissed Hiro's forehead, shaking. "Please... please be alright... please wake up... please love me again..." he begged to a boy who couldn't hear him.

He pushed Hiro's ebony locks out of his face, wanting to scream at how his cheeks were sunken in, circles under his eyes. He had done all this, he forced Hiro to depression. To cutting. To suicide.

"I promise... you'll wake up and we're all gonna be here, we're gonna go home and you're gonna get all better. You're gonna get bigger and more beautiful than ever and I'm going to love you... don't you get that? I love you." He said softly, leaning down to kiss his lips. "I love you."

But nothing happened, this wasn't sleeping beauty and Hiro didn't wake up with love's first kiss.

The monotone beep made Tadashi cry even louder, knowing Hiro was dead to the world right now.

"Please..." He begged, "Wake up..."

"I love you."


	2. But You Won't Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters used. 
> 
> Mentions of sex

He didn’t know if he should speak. His elder brother watched him from across the hospital room intently almost as if he believed Hiro would vanish if he dared look away. The young raven sighed shakily. Why did Tadashi have to be here?

He had wanted so badly to die. He had gotten a secret little place, slitting his pale skin perfectly, the only problem was Tadashi. His brother just had to follow him, just had to call the ambulance and save him.

Didn't Tadashi know that this was the only way for him to be happy?

Hiro's fingers played with the little wire hooked into his vein, it irritated him. He couldn't bend his arm without the needle poking into him and hurting him... so he tried to bend his arm as often as possible.

He heard Tadashi sighed and didn't look up. He felt like a moron. He left his heart open to Tadashi and now he was forced to stay alive when they both knew he didn't want to be.

Aunt Cass was back at the cafe. She couldn't afford to leave it for Hiro and she was kind enough to come when the store closed or before it opened. Hiro appreciated that. She didn't yell or hit him in anger. She would feed him and sometimes even read him stories as if he was a kid again.

But Tadashi remained quiet as usual, watching his brother with unreadable expressions.

Tadashi's friends came and went, checking on Hiro and making sure he knew how loved he was even though Hiro wasn't really in the mood to listen. The doctors made their rounds often, making sure Hiro was stable and not trying to undo his life support. They even scheduled him some therapy.

But he wanted Tadashi.

– –

Finally, they were alone, late in the night when the moon was high, however through his tiny window he couldn't see it due to the rain. 'What is up with the rain lately? Is it trying to make me sadder?' Hiro Said softly, almost laughing.

He looked up to see Tadashi staring right back and his nerves went haywire. His fingers tapped against his hospital gown before he stopped.

"Why are you looking at me?" He asked, He hadn't done much speaking since he woke up. He only tried to reassure Aunt Cass that he was fine. He wasn't going to ever do that again and to answer the questions of his designated psychiatrist, all of which Tadashi was present.

Tadashi sighed and stood up, walking forward and sitting on his brother's bed, shaking a bit.

"You tried to kill yourself..." he whispered, finally, a voice.

"Yeah, I know that... why else would I be here?" Hiro muttered in annoyance. He knew very well he was here because he tried to kill himself, wasn't that obvious?

"No..." His elder whispered, pulling Hiro into a large bear hug. He was shaking and though Hiro couldn't actually tell, Tadashi was crying. "You wanted to die... you tried to kill yourself Hiro! It was my fault..."

"It wasn't your fault!" Hiro hissed before shoving the elder out of his way. He sat back, curled up in the corner shaking. He saw in the light finally that Tadashi had been crying. "It was all mine... I'm disgusting, remember?" He asked softly, his voice cracking. Usually the brothers would laugh at Hiro's cracking voice even though he was past puberty, nearly seventeen. His birthday was coming up.

But this time there was no laughter, only Tadashi shaking in the dim light, crying. He took Hiro's wrist, staring at the heavy bandaging that hid the stitches that held his baby brother together.

"Why did you do it?" Tadashi whispered and Hiro shook his head, sighing.

"Because that's what you wanted Tadashi... you told me to leave, you told me you didn't want a freak for a brother. I was trying to make you happy." He yanked his wrist away, he hated people touching it. Everyone gave him pity and he didn't want it.

That stunned his brother into silence.

– –

Tadashi felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like he was being strangled every single time he saw Hiro.

They had come home from the hospital just yesterday, Aunt Cass making sure the youngest Hamada was comfortable, giving him those spicy chicken wings that melted people's faces off. She knew they were Hiro's favorite. He had two even though she gave him three, unable to eat much without feeling sick. The first time she tried to over feed him he jumped up and puked.

She watched him like a hawk, he wasn't left alone for a second. If she wasn't with him, Tadashi was, and if they weren't, Honey Lemon came to 'hang out'.

Hiro wasn't stupid, he knew they were trying to make sure Hiro wouldn't try to kill himself again but if it meant Tadashi would actually treat him like a brother again. he let it happen. He didn't like the pity or attention. He just wanted Tadashi to treat him like a human again.

One night he was alone with his brother, watching some horrid movie, he once loved horror but for now the thought of blood and death was very unappealing. He settled for an unoriginal, original Sci-Fi movie on that channel, a bowl of popcorn on his lap and Mochi at his side, absentmindedly petting the creature as they watched.

Tadashi wasn't paying attention at all, his eyes were on Hiro.

He didn't understand these feelings he felt. His heart was beating faster each time that tiny little tongue darted out to get a piece of popcorn like a lizard. It was a little habit Hiro had picked up after going to the zoo and deciding that lizards were his favorite. His palms felt sweaty, he felt like it was too hot...

He felt like a sick man.

He was watching his baby brother. His heart racing each movement the boy made and Tadashi knew he was caught.

He had pushed Hiro away, cursed him, made him attempt suicide and now the elder brother was realizing slowly that he was in love with Hiro.

He groaned and laid back against the couch, Hiro sitting not even a foot beside him.

He couldn't believe this, all that he wanted to see was Hiro, all he wanted to touch, to taste... to be with, Hiro. He may have had a promising future with a nice, sweet woman like Honey, but all he wanted was Hiro.

When the movie was just about done, he glanced over and realized Hiro had fallen asleep, his head lolling to the side, his lips parted showing that cute little gap in between his teeth. One of his hands was laying on Mochi while the other was lying face up beside his hip.

Tadashi sighed and leaned forward, caressing his cheek, smiling when he didn't stir.

"You're an idiot you know..." He whispered, holding onto him before shifting to get closer. "I could never want you gone... I'm sorry..." Tadashi leaned over and kissed his forehead. "When did you get like this? Huh? So beautiful? Have you been like this the whole time?"

When Hiro didn't respond, he pulled the heavy sleeper into his arms, holding him tightly as he shook, kissing all over his pale face. "I don't know why I can't just tell you when you're awake... you wouldn't believe me anyway... but I love you."

He sighed, knowing the boy wouldn't answer. Hiro slept like the dead. He shivered, not wanting to think about that. He couldn't think of death, if he did all he could see was Hiro's corpse.

He let out a shaky sob as he held Hiro tightly to his chest. "You'll never understand how much I truly love you."

He pressed their lips together, taking in his taste, the taste of popcorn and sadness.

He loved Hiro.

– –

He woke in his bed, assuming Tadashi put him there. He slowly sat up, he had sworn he had felt something on his lips, a kiss. He shook his head. "Don't be stupid, it's just a dream." He scolded himself.

He heard Tadashi in the garage, working on something or other. He pulled his jacket on, his wounds were still covered with bandage but it felt strange to have them out in the open, a constant reminder of his failure to do as Tadashi wanted.

He walked down the stairs and into the garage. He looked down at Tadashi hunched over at the table.

"Hey..." He said softly, his hands shoved deep within his jacket pockets. Tadashi jerked up, hitting his head on the lamp. Hiro let out a small laugh as Tadashi cursed, rubbing the back of his head.

Tadashi stared at him for a moment, forgetting about the pain in his head. He hadn't heard Hiro laugh in what seemed like an eternity.

"What?" the younger asked, suddenly very conscious that Tadashi probably didn't want to hear him laugh. He probably didn't want Hiro there but he knew that no one would let him be alone for long. He was on suicide watch after all.

"I've missed that laugh." Tadashi whispered, slowly standing up. Hiro shrunk back as Tadashi got closer, backing himself into the corner. He didn't want to have anything thrown at him again.

He was stunned into a shocked state when Tadashi lifted his hands to cup Hiro's face, pressing their foreheads together, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"D-Dashi?" Hiro whimpered but Tadashi shook his head and smiled, kissing Hiro's forehead.

"You smiled." He whispered, making Hiro even more confused. He furrowed his brow and stared up at him

"This is all I've ever wanted Hiro... to see you happy again."

– –

Hiro gasped softly, staring at the wall in shock as Tadashi held him. His brother's arms around his waist, Hiro pressed to him, unable to move even if he wanted to, and he would be lying to them both if he said he wanted to.

"Tadashi..." He whispered, "I-I'm disgusting... you shouldn't-"

"Hiro... you're beautiful." Tadashi pulled away, staring into the abyss of those beautiful brown orbs. His hands gripped the younger's waist, pulling him close. "So beautiful... and I was such a moron... I couldn't see past my anger to realize how I truly felt..."

"You're lying!" Hiro pushed him away, he was scared, this couldn't be real. Tadashi didn't love him! Tadashi didn't want him! He was supposed to be dead so Tadashi could be happy! Normal. "I'm a freak! You want me gone! Why didn't you let me die!"

He wasn't able to finish his rant, for a pair of soft, warm lips pressed to his, his tiny body shoved against the wall as Tadashi ravished his mouth.

He stopped breathing, not wanting to believe that this was real, he was going to wake up anytime soon... Tadashi would hate him again.

"Hiro..." Tadashi breathed, "You're all I could ever want... you're everything I can think about, I can't... I can't live knowing you won’t smile..."

"Why are you doing this?" The younger sobbed, shaking, "Why are you doing this!?"

"Because I love you!" Tadashi shouted, feeling almost a little relief when Hiro stopped and stared up at him. Tadashi gulped and nodded, kissing his brother once more. "I love you..."

– –

They ended up on the old couch in the corner of the room, Hiro finally responding to the elder, their lips pressing against one another in a feverish kiss. Tadashi pulled Hiro's jacket away and despite the protest, he took his sliced up arms into his hands. "Promise me you'll never cut again." He whispered, kissing up each place that Hiro had cut, being gentle, but making his point. "Hiro. Promise me." He demanded, making the boy look at him.

"I... I promise."

That was enough for Tadashi, he placed a gentle kiss onto Hiro's collar bone, slowly sliding the boy's shirt up. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He smiled, seeing Hiro blush and look away. "Come on... one smile for me? I love your smile..."

Hiro shook his head before Tadashi smirked, setting his hands to good use, tickling the boy.

"N-No! Dashi!" Hiro cried, trying to not laugh but it was impossible and he was ticklish! He giggled before full out laughing, trying to squirm away. Tadashi was relentless, holding him there, straddling him and making sure he got to hear that perfect laugh.

"There you are... my Hiro..." he whispered, kissing his head. "You're perfect."

"No I'm not..."

Tadashi laughed and pulled him close. "You are... and I'm going to spend the rest of my life showing you."

They didn't go all the way that night, Hiro was too scared, he wasn't ready and Tadashi would never do anything to make the boy scared... he refused to hurt the one he loved anymore.

– –

They lay in bed together, Tadashi having picked the boy up and carried him all the way to their bedroom, pushing the curtain open and laying down on the elder's bed. He kissed Hiro deeply, holding him close. He didn't ever want to let go.

He no longer felt sick or twisted, he no longer felt disgusting, though he was sure that feeling would never leave Hiro, he felt right... perhaps society found them fowl however he knew he loved Hiro.

He kissed the boy's neck, tracing patterns across his lower belly, sighing. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, moving to sit up and stare at him. "Hiro? Come on... talk to me."

"What do you even see in me?" He whispered without losing his gaze on the poster filled wall.

Tadashi sighed and pulled the boy to sit up. Hiro cocked his head, he wanted an answer and he wanted it now obviously.

"Hiro..."

"Answer me Dashi... you pushed me away for almost a year and now you want me the way I've wanted you for years? Why?" Finally, his sadness had broken and he was angry, the second step in grief. He had a right to be angry, after pinning for so long why now did Tadashi turn to him as a lover?

Tadashi sat up with him, watching and letting the boy rant before he kissed him softly. "From the moment you were born I knew you were something special. You knew how to talk at two. I mean, not just little words, but talk... you were in third grade by three. You graduated high school at thirteen. All those years I watched you grow up and I loved you. I protected you and held onto you. Remember in class when you got bullied and I held your hand during that class?" He laughed, "Maybe I was a bit too protective... maybe somewhere in there I crossed the line from brother to something more but Hiro I never thought of me loving you that way..."

Hiro stopped and sighed, was this supposed to comfort him in any way? It wasn't working.

"Then you told me you were in love with me... everything I've ever heard said that was wrong, disgusting and I tried to think that way. It was hard to push you away, I wanted to hug you and love on you like I've always done but then you tried to... to... to." he couldn't bring himself to even say it. "You know, and all I could think about was it was my fault... that night in the hospital I kissed you... I guess I realized that the love I've always felt wasn't brotherly..."

He listened to the elder carefully, nodding.

Tadashi smiled, leaning over and kissing him softly. "Don't you get it? I'm in love with you too dork." He laughed.

His heart soared when Hiro nodded and kissed back.

– –

It didn't feel taboo to either of them, from chased kisses in the hallway to the long ones in the middle of the night in one of their beds. From the couple dancing in Tadashi's more private lab to working together once more and pretending that they were just brothers... it felt strangely normal.

It wasn't until late in the lab, everyone had gone home, it was the two of them together once more that Hiro made the first move.

He walked up to the elder, holding a wrench for Tadashi as they worked another late nighter on Baymax. The robot was almost done. Tadashi took it with a smile, humming along to whatever song was playing. To keep spirits up he had been playing K-Pop, he knew it made Hiro smile when Tadashi tried and failed at the dances while Gogo and surprisingly enough Fred were rather kick ass at it.

He walked over, sitting beside him. "Dashi?" he asked softly, cocking his head. His brother glanced up,

"Yeah babe?" He asked, they called each other all manors of pet names when alone, a proper secret couple.

Hiro took a deep breath, he was nervous, he had never done this before. He leaned in and pressed their lips together however something was different this time, he closed his eyes, pressing against him tightly. Tadashi put the wrench down, he gently held Hiro's waist, he was still afraid of hurting his baby brother, his beautiful baby boy, so he didn't go too hard.

He closed his eyes, kissing back just as deeply as Hiro was, parting his lips and toying with the younger's tongue.

"Hiro..." He whispered, parting from him, his brother flushed and blushing richly. "Hiro? What do you want to do?" He asked, kissing his neck, he never wanted to hurt Hiro.

The younger raven simply shook his head, there wasn't enough words for what he wanted to do to this man, with this man.

He put the man's tools down, then slowly removed his shirt. Tadashi bit down on his lower lip, eyes wide. He scanned his tiny lover's chest, ever little cut and line, every shadow that danced across his body.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, Hiro only nodded. He then stood up, pushing his shorts down, Tadashi almost groaned,

Hiro wasn't wearing anything under them.

He put his hands back on the boy's soft hips, smiling up at him before Hiro lowered himself into his lap. He still had the bandages on his arms, his wounds so close to being fully healed but he refused to take them off, he didn't want anyone to ever see the scars. Tadashi smiled and kissed his neck slowly.

He moved down, kissing the boy's chest, then his fingers slowly pulled the bandages away. Hiro made a distressed sound but Tadashi silenced him with his lips. "Let me show you." He whispered before bringing Hiro's scarred wrists to his mouth and kissing them.

"No matter what..." He said in between kisses, "Never, ever doubt... " One more "That I will always love you."

Hiro looked down and Tadashi forced him to look back up. "Hiro... I love you, I want you, if I ever lost you... I don't think I could stay alive."

Hiro nodded, if there was anyone he would believe it was Tadashi.

His brother pulled him close, their lips meeting in a heated kiss, Hiro's fingers tangling into the elder's soft hair. He was glad their friends were already gone; their taboo love could continue to go in secret.

Tadashi pushed the boy to one of the pull out couches kept in his lab, often used when he pulled an all-nighter. Hiro gasped, softly, watching his brother pull his shirt and pants off, then taking no time in removing his pants.

Hiro looked away, how on earth would that thing fit inside of him?!

Tadashi smiled and even though he had no lubricant, he got the boy stretched, being gentle and loving, Hiro was putty in his hands and Tadashi would never do anything to harm him.

He pressed loving kisses and bites to his pale skin, paying attention to the boy's nipples, it seemed those were his sweet spots.

His hands gently caressed the boy's tiny body. He wanted to worship him. He knew he was hard as a rock and Hiro knew it. After all his length was pressed rather feverishly to Hiro's twitching hole.

He smiled and connected their lips one last time before they finally sealed their tainted, sinful love.

When he entered the boy, Hiro broke out into tears, shaking and sobbing. It hurt so badly, no amount of preparation could help him. Tadashi pushed his tears away, moving slowly back and forth to give him as much pleasure as possible, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, promises and filthy words.

He made sure Hiro felt loved, he made sure that Hiro felt like a queen. Tadashi would be his servant... he would have spent a life time bowing down to Hiro's perfect body.

When Hiro came, Tadashi held him close, keeping what mattered most close to his heart, he watched the boy fall from his climax. He didn't even care if he came or not, as long as Hiro had gotten pleasure however the little vixen's body writhed under him and soon Tadashi was a goner.

"I love you." Tadashi whispered as they laid naked in each other’s arms, the elder caressing the youngers perfect body.

"I love you too Dashi..." He smiled.

And Tadashi knew that deep down inside, Hiro was slowly being fixed, it was a long, hard process, but he was being fixed.

– –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the real reason I moved out of detailing the sex scene was because I had it written out in detail, but I really wasn't happy with it, I felt like with this story with how it's been written so far, skipping, moving in and out of detail I felt like it didn't need to be as detailed as some other amazing fics out there.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I don't actually know where this came from, I wanted to do something depressing for Hidashi and this happened. I know both characters are OOC but it's good that way...
> 
> .
> 
> I'm so sorry for how depressing this actually is!


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